Twenty four hours
Was the time between uS
End of an era beginning of anotheR
Nothing will separate us, I belong to yoU
Time to be together, no more playing solO
Young love as it is, we will create an ark as NoaH
For us to navigate a sea of love togetheR
On us the valour to love, and me and yoU
United in desire, love that never says nO
Reborn after each fight, never be ofF
Hand in hand, we will walk silentlY
Orbiting our own world lets just forgeT
Unhappy times when we decided to take actioN
Resolution to travel and become onE
Solution after we commit and voW
Twenty four hours . . . saluT.
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This was, yet, another lovely poem! I don't know where you find the inspiration? Send some my way! I love the hidden message; well, the writing that was hidden. . .I would have never figured it out had you not told me!
ReplyDeleteCritique: For hidden messages don't capitalise, it makes it too obvious. You should hint that there is a message differently, or not mention it at all until someone asks you about it. I think you should start incorporating grammar into your poem. Imagine writing a sentence, same grammar, but in poetic form. Grammar helps the readers make more sense of what you are trying to say, when with free verse they have to assume. There are a few grammatical mistakes, but those can be fixed. If you go over the poem again I'm sure you'll notice it.
All in all, it's a very lovely and touching poem. The person you are talking about must mean a hell of a lot to you!
YOU GOT THAT RIGHT . . . AND THOSE TWENTY FOUR HOURS ARE WAY GONE NOW . . . NOW THERE IS WORLD AHEAD OF US!
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