COLD SOLITUDE

It's the solitude that hurts

It's been far away from people I love

It's feeling empty inside and still with so much to give

How do I re-start

How do I jump start the engine of courage to keep going

How do I go back inside and talk to my most deeper feelings

How do I re-train myself, to live the life as it should be, to be happy

How do I pick up the pieces of my heart without getting blood in my hands

How do I heal the past

How do I stand up

How do I look forward

How do I question myself: Why I have so many questions?

How do I'll figure out all the answers

How is it that almost at the end of my life, I still feel childish

How is it that at the same time, I forgot to laugh as a child does

How do I fill the empty spaces without having any substance

How feeling warm, when is nobody to cuddle

How to handle the cold, when is coming from inside

How to stop thinking and get a good night sleep

How do I do that so apart from you

How do I do that so apart from me.

Night after night

Tear after tear

I try to think that this is just the first time in my life

That I never felt this way before

And I lie to me again

And again, and again

Thinking that you care

That this is just temporarily

That this new pain will past

And I am sinking again, a little bit more, every day

There is not even sweet silence

Only that buzzing

A torture carried in my brain for years now

And I try to fill the empty spaces with something noisy to cover it up

But I can't

I can't create no more

I can't smile no more

And I feel so dry

That I don't think I can even love no more

Because it hurts

But now I know

That because I still have so many questions

I am still human

I am still writing

I am still trying

And very deep into my heart

I still have a drop of hope

Hope that one day

The distance between us will be no more

That I would be able to start once more

That I will have the courage again

To say " I love you "

Hope that one day my heart would be completely healed

And I would be completely happy

And the past would be just the past

And I would be able to stand up and look at our future together

That one day I would have all the answers

And that same day, I would see our own children laughing

Filing with their joy all the spaces in our home

That I would never feel cold again

And I could finally cuddle until the night will come

And then finally sleep in peace and forever.